De-clutter for Emotional Health

I made a trip to Japan a few years back and it forever changed my view of my personal space.  I didn’t consider my home and office surroundings as cluttered until I returned with a new minimalist view of space.  My home now looked cluttered and I began to see some elements that resembled hoarding.
 
I have worked with several clients who suffered from hoarding.  Yes it is a diagnosed ailment.  Compulsive Hoarding is typically part of the anxiety spectrum of mental disorders.  It is usually identified by the degree of mental disturbance just the thought of getting rid of items produces.  The actual act of getting rid of items can increase the anxiety to such a great extent that the person may experience panic and or be immobilized and unable to achieve the mental organizational ability needed to achieve the task.  It is hard for non hoarders to understand how someone can be so attached to items that these items make their life and home, areas of great dysfunction.  As I returned from Japan, with its predominantly minimalist structuring of home décor I had a changed perspective on what I now saw as my cluttered setting.  My home and office space now seemed too filled for my peace of mind.
 
I faced the question of what to get rid of, for the first time.  I would traditionally, like other people who didn’t suffer from OCD, or any anxiety disorder that manifested itself in hoarding, get rid of things that were broken beyond usefulness.  However I was now looking at items in my surroundings that were all useful and had worth in my estimation.  I saw a raison d'être for all the items placed in my surroundings.  Some were there because of personal relationships (gifts from kids), other items were practical and functional (coffeemaker, linens).  I was able to find some things that were no brainers and got rid of them with ease.  I didn’t realize that I had held on to my children’s reading books.  Given the fact that the youngest was now reading on a high school level it was doubtful that the Judy Blume books would need to be used by them again.  As they had no emotional attachment to these books it was agreed that they could be passed on to the school library (the Harry Potter series did however stay much to my dismay).  After loading three diaper boxes of books off to other homes there was an immediate lightness in my home.  I was now faced with a harder choice, how to discard items that were more precious to me.  This is the dilemma that hoarders face; the items we ask them to discard are precious to them.
 
The steps I used and found the most successful are outlined below.  I have since employed this model with clients who are diagnosed with anxiety disorders and who engage in hoarding behaviors as a result.  These steps are basically a variation of systematic desensitization, a model used to address deep fears.  The greatest fear of the hoarder is loss of access to their cherished items.  To address this fear, the cherished item is removed by degrees.  There are rules however about not adding to the clutter while engaged in this process.  One rule I had for myself and my clients is that you couldn’t buy or accumulate another item without getting rid of a current one.  My Achilles heel was home improvement stuff.  I always had a plan to work on some area of my home.  Therefore it made sense to buy a specific wall ornament, or paint that was on sale, or some tiles that were just the right style when I saw them.  The plan to improve my bathroom or repaint a bedroom remained plans as the purchased items stayed tucked away for that faithful day.  I now knew that unless the planned remodeling was going to happen today, or this weekend, then I was forbidden to buy any items in anticipation, regardless of how great the sale was.  Also all the magazines that I had collected with ideas that I wanted to implement would also have to go.   Because was I really going to reference a magazine article that was 5 years old at this point?  Thanks to the internet I no longer had to save every magazine article or picture that appealed to me. I could now have decorating ideas at the touch of my fingers through online do it yourself shows and online magazines
 
Armed with the rule of no new purchase or acquisitions without removing a similar item, I began to tackle my environment, one room at a time. 

• Linen – I realized that I could only use one bedding set at a time, and my home only contained a king sized mattress and several twin mattresses.  Yet my linen closet still contained several sheet sets and bedding for a former queen sized mattress.  Granted the pattern and design of the bedding was gorgeous and I really loved it when I purchased it years ago and used it on the queen size mattress that once had a place in my home.  That mattress had been discarded over 8 years ago, yet the bedding was still in my linen closet.  The bedding and all its accompanying items were packed up.  And the closet was rearranged to fit three bedding sets for the kings sized mattress and two for each of the twin mattresses.  I now had two empty shelves in my linen closet, and no longer were items falling off of shelves when the closet was opened.
• Dishes – The remnants of several different sets were still being housed in the kitchen cabinets.  I found it interesting to note that there were teacups that represented 5 different sets of dishes which had all at one time been full services for eight.  However as the children had broken or misplaced (how? I don’t know!) items from each set, we had purchased newer sets.  We just never got rid or the remaining pieces from the displaced set.  This oversight was finally rectified.  The local Goodwill agency was the lucky recipients of our donation of dining implements.  It amazing how many mismatched coffee mugs one can accumulate.  They are constantly being given out, some with Christmas candy in them and others with advertisements stamped upon them.  We decided to keep one per person who lived in the home and just discard the rest. 
• Shoes, Clothing, and other personal apparel items- The rule that applied for this was, if it doesn’t fit you must quit (it).  It’s hard to quit (give up) some apparel.  You have memories, usually of how good you once looked in it.  By giving up on it are you also giving up on the hope of one day being that size again?  It’s an emotional decision.  Not so much with shoes, but certainly with clothing.  However the rule remained that if it didn’t fit (and hadn’t fit in the last 2 years), it was time to make the cut and just get rid of it.  In order to make this less painful however, the process was to gradually remove it from your vicinity.
  • First take it out of its current position, be it your closet or your attic.
  • Place it at an even greater distance, perhaps from closet to garage, or attic to a large box in someone else’s garage.  If your loved ones have been concerned about your clutter, they may be willing to help you in this way, by agreeing to store the items you are trying to get rid of for a period of time. 
  • Assess your anxiety level; it may increase temporarily as you adjust to not having your cherished item within the safety of your control.  You may experience some remorse and desire to take back your item and place it back in its former place of safety, remember it is still safe, but just not with you at this time.  After a month, again assess your anxiety level.  You can still check with where ever the item is to see that it is still safe, but you cannot bring it back “home”.  Enjoy the freedom of having space; don’t refill the space the item once inhabited.  Enjoy the emptiness!
  • After two months move the items even further away, perhaps it can bless someone else.  Give it to Goodwill or the Salvation Army if it still retains some usefulness.  If it can be sold, put it in a consignment shop or on e-bay, but remember the rule is it cannot come back home.  If it doesn’t sell after a month, then it will need to be discarded.  By that time your anxiety level will have decreased to a point that you should be able to achieve this goal with greater ease.  The thought of reintroducing this item back into your closest, or attic should pose a level of discomfort for you because you have been enjoying the space provided by its absence.

 
With each step you take, remember to take the time to self congratulate.  Self validation and praise is important in this process.  You can do so using some practical means.  Assign yourself a treat.  Not necessarily food, but perhaps you can go to the movies with a friend.  Why? Because you have just done something to improve your situations, and even if no one knows about it, you do and it is worthy of some recognition.  We certainly take time to recognize our screw ups.  Let’s take time to recognize when we take steps in the direction of health and mental wellness.